settling in! posted on February 19th, 2025

YUP first blog. i didn't really know what to do for my first blog, but then i realized it was probably a good idea to make it related to FINALLY having my site up and running. sooo? i guess i'll just ramble about my experience for the past few years trying to make a website, and all the different changes i went through.

well, i'll start with the very first site i wanted to make: maladjusted. at this point in time, my sense of self was Very Skewed. i saw myself as a weird sort of offputting guy, and i really liked weirdcore so that was the site theme! it was not very well put together... i'd used a TABLE of all things which was very umm limiting? i also didn't bother planning it out as meticulously, so i had no idea what i even wanted to do! i'd seen a few templates floating around, but i didn't want to use those due to my Pride. tch.

also to get a little personal, this point of my life was Very Strange. i was teetering between my highschool phase and... well, whatever i am now. i wasn't sure who i was or how i wanted to present myself, which has always been very important to me. or i think i was trying to force myself to be a certain way. some sort of "cool, flirty, charming tough guy" type???? like okay, man. ANYWAY! this unstablility continued to the next attempt to make a site.

i very quickly got frustrated with the first version and quit trying for a few months i think. the next site was very different: it was pink, blue, and white! the site mascot was my main fursona who featured those colors so it was lovely. it was cute i think? this time, i was attempting to use flexbox... which i then also got frustrated with and stopped trying for a while. i also still didn't feel like the theme was Right.

finally, i got to doglike 1.0! this was never published OR finished, but i'll share a screenshot. unfortunately artfight whisked me away, and then i dealt with The Horrors in my brain for a little while. but this was finally PROGRESS! i'd found a solid thing that made me happy, something that i felt could actually represent me in a personal way. i'd also discovered the wonders of the grid css property, though i ended up having to relearn it once i came back after almost another year. sigh.

so now, here we are! i've got multiple pages set up and published... now what? i haven't quite gotten around to setting up my art page as of writing this. to be honest, i don't draw nearly as much as i'd like to? so i've considered scrapping the art page. yap corner though, that seems PROMISING! i love to talk about things i like, though i am somewhat embarrassed when it comes to actually discussing these things with other people Directly (unless they're someone very close to me of course) i also just prefer to listen sometimes.

it feels nice to have a solid enough sense of myself to the point where i can make a site and stick with it after struggling for years. i came so close to giving up a few times! i think for the entirety of 2023, i didn't even Consider returning to developing my site. i was frustrated. plus, the end of 2022 and early 2023 was a pretty rough time for reasons i won't get into... so, coding was the last thing on my mind.

i think that's all i've got. witness me, internet traveler, and celebrate my progress with me! while i'm sure this site will change too over time, i'm still happy with where i am now... and thats what matters!